Did you know your baby would cry so much?

08 February 2011

Research has shown that babies who are comforted when they cry, cry less than other babies by the time they are a year old. Crying is the number one reason parents shake or hurt their baby, when they get desperate, and frustrated. Your baby may cry more in the late afternoon and evening. Read on for tips on coping with crying baby.

“I didn’t know having a baby was so hard”, one young father was overheard to say to another. This article is all about how babies cry, and how we can help them, and help ourselves. We feel guilty and helpless, and finally angry and despairing when our baby cries, and we don’t know why, and can’t seem to help him.

So the first thing to remember and comfort ourselves with, is to know and accept that healthy babies can cry a lot in the first five months of life. Doctor Barr has evolved a word to remember which helps new parents to understand their babies’ crying.

He uses the word PURPLE:
P = Peak of crying. Your baby may cry more each week. The most at 2 months, then less at 3-5 months.
U = Unexpected. Crying can come and go and you don’t know why.
R = Resists soothing. Your baby may not stop crying no matter what you try.
P = Pain-like face. A crying baby may look as though he’s in pain, even when he’s not.
L = Long lasting. Crying can last as much as 5 hours a day, or more.
E = Evening. Your baby may cry more in the late afternoon and
evening.

All babies cry, and after about two weeks some babies may start to cry more each week. By two months, some babies often cry more than at any other time, and then start to cry less as the weeks go by. Babies can still be healthy and normal and cry five hours a day. It’s a hard time for mother and baby (and father too), but the period of PURPLE crying does come to an end.

How to comfort your crying baby.

Do the obvious things, like checking to see if he’s hungry, tired or needs changing. Hold him and walk and sing to him, maybe give him a warm bath, or take him for a walk, or a ride in the car. Hold your baby close to you with skin-on - skin contact. (This is often the most soothing of all for him). These things don’t work every time, they may help sometimes, but soothing doesn’t work all the time. (It often helps you, though, when you feel you’re doing something for him)

And of course, if you’re really worried, you can always check with the doctor or ring Plunket.

Why crying bothers you so much.

You never expect your baby to cry, and it all becomes so much harder than you thought. You feel that because your baby won’t stop, no matter what you do, that you’re a bad parent, or doing something wrong. You are tired with night feeds and all the other challenges of becoming a mother, and you feel guilty that you can’t take care of your baby. Worse still, you feel like a failure, and sometimes it’s easy to blame baby for making you feel this way if you get things out of proportion.

It’s important to remember that feeling angry or upset is OK. It’s normal. It’s what you do with your anger that’s important. So take a break from the crying, look after yourself, make a cup of tea, ring a friend, walk round the garden. Even take baby for a walk in his push-chair.

Above all, stay conscious. Don’t, without thinking, shake your baby.

Coping when crying is bothering you.

First, Dr Barr suggests carry, comfort, walk and talk to your baby. He says when baby is crying, comfort him, and do everything you can. And he also says that sometimes this will stop the crying, but sometimes it won’t.

Second, Dr Barr says, if it’s too frustrating, it’s OK to walk away. Put your baby in a safe place, and take a few minutes to calm yourself, and then go back and check the baby.
Third, he says: NEVER shake or hurt a baby.

Why is shaking a baby so dangerous?

Crying is the number one reason parents shake or hurt their baby, when they get desperate, and frustrated. Without thinking they can shake him, saying things like “why won’t you stop crying?”
Shaking a baby is very dangerous and can cause blindness, seizures, brain damage and death.

Keeping our baby safe at all times.

Sometimes others help to care for our baby, and it feels good to have a break. Tell anyone who cares for your baby about the period of PURPLE crying, so they know how to handle it too.

Tell them how normal it is, and also how frustrating it is. Talk about the dangers of shaking the baby. Tell them that it’s OK to put the baby down and take a break. Tell them that it’s definitely OK to call you if they find it too hard to cope.

Dr Barr warns parents to be careful who cares for your baby, especially in the first five months of life. If the person caring for your baby has problems handling frustration or has a quick temper, it may be dangerous to leave your baby with that person.

Research has shown that babies who are comforted when they cry, cry less than other babies by the time they are a year old. Other research has shown us that the more babies are cuddled and talked to, the more the connections they make in the brain, leading to greater intelligence later, whether emotional or mental.

For more information on the Purple Crying Programme go to www.dontshake.org

Tags: Early Years , Edukids , Childcare , Kids to Five , Montessori , Kidicorp , Topkids , First Steps , Community Kindy